During my first year of motherhood, I experienced postpartum depression in a way I never thought possible. No, like, literally never. Not one woman in my family for as many generations back as I could go had ever experienced PPD. Then there was me, the first to break the cycle.
PPD took over my personality, my goals, my interests and my life as a whole. For a long time it robbed me of the bliss and the euphoria that first time Moms are groomed to expect as we usher in this new season of life.
Other days I felt strong enough to be my son's Mom. On those days I felt worthy of him. Worthy and capable of being as strong as he needed me to be. I felt able to be present both mentally and physically.
One day, it dawned on me that I was experiencing motherhood in hues and that was ok. I didn't have to hate the dark days or see them as a dark cloud hovering over my role of mother. I realized that I was allowed to enjoy the bright days instead of missing out on them waiting for the dark cloud to come back. Some days were harder than others and that was OK. I didn't have to win every day of being a Mom. I was still human living real life. Not societies depiction of motherhood perfected.
Motherhood brings in to our lives an array of emotions. It takes us on more ups and downs than we could ever count. Most often, all in one day. It's beautiful, it's messy, it's frustrating, it's scary, it's heartwarming and it comes with experiences of dark days, lighter days and every hue of emotion in between.
This experience opened my eyes to PPD and I found myself falling down a rabbit hole of all things PPD. I learned about the devastating number of women who we loose every single day to it. I read about the hundreds of women serving life sentences because they gave in to the intrusive thoughts instead of being helped, even though their baby was the absolute love of their lives. I learned about the unfathomable amount of women who go untreated in underserved countries where PPD is taboo.
Thus, Hues of Motherhood was born.
I had the option to seek help. I had the option to tell those around me, my doctors and so many others. I had the privilege to jump on google and find a therapist or a plan towards healing. Thousands of women don't have that choice to make.
If we could donate enough to save lives of other Mama's with PPD like so many of us have had and currently have it, then we're on to something good here.
Welcome to the Hues of Motherhood shop.
I'm glad you're here Mama.